


Sometimes I Imagine

by vikith21



Series: Comforting Myself [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Anxiety, Depression, Some Cursing, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:49:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 368
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26941666
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vikith21/pseuds/vikith21
Summary: A chapter about feeling overwhelmed by depression, and feeling hopeless as result.
Series: Comforting Myself [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1965955





	1. Hopeless

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is a bit more uhm, potentially upsetting or overwhelming than the previous one. Please be sure that you are mentally well enough to read this if you yourself struggle with mental health issues like depression (Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, etcetera). or generally feeling helpless and/or alone.
> 
> This chapter was originally thought of before being typed up on Word on 8/31/19 (August 31st, 2019)
> 
> P.S.: Remember to breathe.

Sometimes I imagine myself in Thomas Sanders’ apartment—specifically that I’m in his living room,  
And that my brain and depression and anxiety are standing in their separate “corners”, so to speak.  
Depression is this… darkness, this, this unsolid gaseous shadow.  
Anxiety is static, usually in the shape a person, but also vague—representing all of my anxiety, not just parts,  
but always changing,  
never remaining still.  
And… my brain,  
My brain, heh,  
It’s this pink thing—a brain, looking like a brain—peanut shaped and weighs about three pounds and…  
and….  
and kind to me now.  
Used to be he was an asshole like the other two,  
but now he’s nice, and we can work together.  
My brain is the Virgil of the group, really…

I imagine myself sitting in Thomas’ spot,  
hands on my head as depression looms in their corner  
and as anxiety shakes and shifts in theirs…  
and my brain stands in theirs, looking as though he has eyebrows,  
parts of him tilted in concern.  
…  
and me, there, on the floor, hands on my head, feet on the floor…  
Hopeless…  
Trying to feel okay,  
Trying to be okay,  
Trying to just—be happy!  
Be happy!  
Relax and, and  
and fucking breathe, for a second, goddammit!  
….  
Please, just for one second, please….


	2. Alone and Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Similar to the previous chapter, feeling overwhelmed by depression. Only this time, being unable to imagine any comforting words or happenings even from fictional characters that do so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As before, please be certain that you are in the right mental headspace to read this before doing so should you struggle with issues like depression (Major Depressive Disorder, Bipolar Disorder, etc.) or generally feeling helpless and/or alone.
> 
> Originally thought of before being typed on Word on 8/31/19 (August 31st, 2019)
> 
> P.S: Remember to breathe.

Sometimes I imagine when I get like that,  
Hopeless and desperate and depressed,  
sad, aching….  
I try to imagine what Logan would say,  
Patton,  
Roman,  
Virgil…..  
I can never think of how’d they’d respond to my hopeless thoughts.  
I can never think of the—the facts Logan would say, if he’d have any…  
If Patton would say, “It’s going to okay, kiddo, we got you.” Or… or…  
Or anything….  
I have this big imagination, enormous!  
….  
And I can’t imagine a single thing….


	3. A Necessary Conclusion: Realistic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reality is better than you may expect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally typed on Word on 8/31/19 (August 31st, 2019)
> 
> P.S: Remember to breathe. You're not alone, just keep breathing and, if you can, reach out. Keep breathing, even if it's hard.  
> It's not hopeless.

I think they’d be right, though.  
They’d reassure me, even if they don’t have all the answers.  
They’d tell me to take a deep breath,  
and try to think—or not to—for a second.  
That I’ve been happy before and it’ll come back…  
That I’ve had good days before and they’ll come back….  
That it’s going to be okay,  
I’m going to be okay.  
…  
It is, not, in fact, hopeless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For anyone wondering--considering these were originally written over a year ago--I'm doing okay nowadays. Thankfully I have a safe place to be and am (overall) in a good place mentally. It really isn't hopeless, kiddos.  
> I went from suicidal and talking--thinking myself away from the edge with the help of whatever or whoever I could look to, to doing mentally good in five years. Ups and downs still exist but I'm doing better and you can too. Remember to breathe, okay?


End file.
